So we get home from having a great dinner. We were actually in a buttery crustacean-induced euphoria, I think. I've never had to loosen my belt from eating crab before. That is pure gluttony. Anyway, we walk in the door and it hits us - the smell of evil. Now I've been suspecting for a while that something bad is lurking around our house. You know, seeing looming dark figures out of the corner of your eye, things are constantly going missing (but no one knows anything about it), just a bad vibe. Now I know it's true. This is an over-powering sulphuric stench straight from the bowels of hell. WHAT IS THAT SMELL?? The finger pointing starts immediately, of course. And, honestly, a certain nameless teenager has been known to clear the house a time or two. No, this is something worse. I need my sage. The house needs to be cleansed right now. I start to storm down the hall towards my room to get it and happen to glance into the kid's bathroom.
Demon dog crap. That's all this can be. What have those kids been feeding that dog? I still want to sage the house. Kids - clean that crap up!
Going to get my sage. It's not on my jewelry box where it's been for 3 months since I got it for Christmas. Which one of you used/took/moved my sage? No one did. See? I told you. Still can't find it. Demons are crafty.
Oldest girl - I have something to show you. Never good. Pulls back the shower curtain - it has been painted quite liberally on the back side with fingernail polish. Dark blue, white and looks like some glittery stuff too. Interesting choices. Again with the finger pointing. One child gets spanked and sent to bed. (And will be buying a new shower curtain) I have to take some of the blame for this one. I mean I did create a kick ass fingernail polish station in their bathroom so who can blame them for just wanting to grab a color and paint away. Right?
All of this took 1/2 hour. Absurd.